It’s Valentine’s Day, so why am I so pissed off? This forum might be dangerous. One of my muses said, “just write” and that is what I’m going to do. Just so happens that today is Valentine’s day and I will, in part, be writing about why I should not participate in the ridiculous expectations that come with. My partner and I seem to be at odds too much. Today is no different.
I am married for thirty years to one man. Our relationship is what I like to call “inter-resting.” In the midst of the tumult of living with racism, sexism, parenthood, business ownership, spiritual development, health issues and more, finding moments of true peace and inactivity is rare. Typically, we do not celebrate mainstream American holidays in conventional ways. We do, however, take advantage of days away from jobs to gather our family together and eat. Inevitably we talk about religious history and commercialism as they relate to the holiday at hand.
As I shopped for a Valentine card for my 6-year and 3-month old grandchildren, I decided to get one for my adult daughter and husband also. My partner and I would be in our humble studio apartment in the Bahamas on Valentine’s Day, so my thought was to promote love and romance with this gesture. It was my first mistake. That card came with unreasonable expectations and I should have known better. My husband and I do not celebrate mainstream American holidays in conventional ways; we set that example for our children and they set it for theirs.
my husband received the gesture indifferently and it offended me, even though everything in our Valentine’s Day celebrating history screams “who cares about buying cards or professing love on demand!?
Luckily, love prevailed. My partner, despite my selfish unhappiness, braced himself through my depressive outbursts and rode through it with me. He took me to see a local production of ‘‘Friends With Benefits‘ and held my hand to steady me.